


Yuri Anonymous

by preciousbunnynoiz



Series: Silliness!!! on Ice! [22]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Humor, M/M, everyone has a crush on Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 11:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9438701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousbunnynoiz/pseuds/preciousbunnynoiz
Summary: Phichit runs a support group for all the people with unrequited crushes on Katsuki Yuri.Which is everyone.Everyone has a crush on Yuri.





	

“Hello, I would like to welcome all the members who were able to make it to this month’s skype meeting of Yuri Anonymous. For those of us who have been struck down by the charms of a certain siren from Japan.  I am this group’s president and co-founder Phichit.” Phichit began speaking into the webcam.  A snort was heard from his laptop.

“We know who the fuck you are Phichit. We saw you just last month at Barcelona” The Russian Yuri shot back, “I don’t even know why I’m here” he added with his arms folded over his chest.

“It’s okay, this is a safe space. We all have had or have unrequited crushes on Yuri.  This is a place to heal and bond over our shared experience of dealing with a man who is both utterly charming and equally utterly oblivious.” Phichit said in a soothing voice. He watched the boy fidget restlessly for a moment before burying his face in his hands as he blushed up to his ears.

“He hugged me after practice today and told me I was beautiful on the ice. How is my heart supposed to function after that?” Little Yuri demanded. Phichit winced, he’d been there it was utterly cruel that Yuri could do that without realising its impact.

“I understand, I’ve been there too. It sucks.” That was Yuuko, she and Phichit had started this group informally after he contacted her in desperation while Yuri was living in Detroit. They had bonded over their frustrations with Yuri and considering Yuri was breaking hearts all over Detroit the group sort of grew.

“Is it just you today from the Detroit crowd Phichit?” Takeshi asked over Yuuko’s shoulder, he had joined in the discussions very quickly which had surprised Phichit at the time but now he realised that was a bit par for the course with Yuri. Phichit nodded in response to the question.

“Yeah, it’s finals week for most of them.” Most of them meant the ten people Phichit was personally close enough to to invite them to the group. Phichit knew of at least another 20 who were still hung up on the Japanese skater.

“Guys?” It was a trembling voice that spoke up.  Phichit peered at the boy with the blonde hair with a flash of red in it, what was his name again? Ah yes…

“Yes Minami?” He asked not unkindly.

“He…he texted me…he asked me if I wanted his opinion on my routines for this year…he said he sees a lot of potential in me…I…I’m going to die.” The little Japanese skater said as he stared at the phone in his trembling hands.

“You’re his precious fan Minami but I understand that might be hard for you.” This voice was rich and tinged with a Russian accent but his words seemed to help the boy who gave a shaky nod.

“Why the fuck is Victor in this group anyway? He’s actually fucking engaged to Katsudon. It’s not fucking fair.” Yurio growled.

“That’s true but he understands. Even Yuri’s idol was left bereft and pining for months after our oblivious, accidental playboy.” Phichit started

“I also provide you with grade A Cute Yuri photos!” Victor added, Phichit nodded, acknowledging this fact before continuing.

“Also, he may have been the one to steal Yuri’s heart leaving the rest of the without a chance but at least he had the balls to actually make a play and kiss him.  Also, he helps new members find us, like you and Minami.” Phichit explained.

“It’s true, none of us actually had a chance. Yuri always belonged to Victor.” Yuuko said with a sigh.  Her husband pushed her shoulder slightly.

“That’s not true. He had a huge crush on you, if you had kissed him you’d be with him now.” Takeshi told her.

“I am Japanese! Also, I was a teenager! I couldn’t just up and kiss someone! Hell you and me dated for a month before we kissed! Also, I’m pretty sure by the point I was interested he was already too wrapped up in Victor.” She told her husband.

“How did you two move on and start dating each other.” Yurio asked curiously. The couple laughed and Takeshi put his arm around his wife’s shoulders.

“Yuuko asked me why I was being particularly moody about listening to Yuri rave about Victor and I ended up accidentally confessing that I liked him that way and she confessed she did too.  We started commiserating and hanging out more because of it. Eventually I suggested we try dating and it worked out well I think. We are happy after all.” He said with a fond smile at his wife.  She smiled at him and leaned into his shoulder with a sigh.

There was a pause before Victor coughed.

“Tell me if I’m out of line but if Yuri did show any interest in either or both of you now?” Victor asked leaving the question open. Both of the Nishigori’s nodded without hesitation.

“We’d drop everything in a hot minute for a chance with Yuri but we know he’s completely devoted to you.” Yuuko told him. There was a slight moment of relief on Victor’s face.

“You’re not actually worried about that, are you?” Came a new voice.

“Chris I can’t help it!” Victor wailed putting his head in his arms for a moment before looking up “He’s just so cute and everyone seems to be getting interested and what is he going to see in me long term? I mean he tried to break up with me before the free skate at the Grand Prix Final! I’m worried his nerves will drive him away and with so many people who love him I don’t stand a chance.” Victor covered his face with his hands and gave a sort of strangled scream.

“Wait he tried to break up with you before free skate?” Chris asked startled joined by many other sounds of surprise.

“Is that what you meant when you said he hadn’t decided to quit yet?” Yuri P asked suddenly. Victor nodded, lowering his hands.

“He said we should end it so I could go back to skating and that I didn’t need to worry about him anymore, that I’d done enough.” Victor said quietly.

“Jesus, and right after buying you engagement rings.” Chris whispered what they were all thinking, “Anxiety is a bitch and makes you cruel as hell.” He added unnecessarily.

Victor nodded again and took a shaky breath.

“Then he did that free skate which seemed like a confession but he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.” Victor said glumly. Chris gave a low whistle.

“And to think I was so cross about you being a cute couple that I completely fucked up my free skate. I couldn’t concentrate at all.” He admitted. Victor winced at that.

“Sorry Chris, I should have thought about your feelings. After all you did tell me about your feelings after the China cup…but I was maybe feeling insecure then too.” Victor apologised.

“You wouldn’t think that now. You’re all over each other all the time. It’s bloody annoying and distracting as hell, but knowing that even you get insecure about Katsudon and caught up in his antics…well that helps a little.” Yuri P said fidgeting slightly.

“At least he didn’t strip at this year’s banquet.” Chris said after a lull in the conversation, “I don’t think my heart could have dealt with seeing his thighs again.”

“It was almost worse with him sober,” Phichit countered, “He didn’t undress but he kept hugging me and telling me that my skating was beautiful and that I looked handsome at the banquet. He even kissed my cheek and I thought I was honestly going to have a heartache right there and then.”

“He’s so skittish and wary of people to begin with but once he’s comfortable with them he’s so casual with his touches that it drives you insane.” Takeshi sighed with remembrance of that particular frustration.

“Oh god he once fell asleep at our house with his head in Takeshi’s lap.” Everyone on the call winced hearing that, Takeshi buried his head in his hands.

“You guys don’t know how difficult it was not to pop a boner for an entire hour as he snuggled into my leg.” He complained.

Phichit gave a cough and shared a look with Yuuko, it was time for the warning.

“Um…Yurio? Victor? I have to warn you of something.” Phichit said, trying to keep his voice steady.

“What?” Both Russians looked very nervous.

“Yuri…well you know he gains weight easily right?” he began, they nodded, “Well…he doesn’t go full fat like he did after he bombed nationals after his first grand prix but he does gain a little weight in the off season.” Phichit warned. There was a pause as realisation donned on both Russian’s faces and they began to look a little panicked.

“OH. Oh GOD!” Victor said, while Yurio had a comprehensive freak out. Chris and Minami looked confused because neither of them had experienced pudgy Yuri.  Fit Yuri was sexy, fat Yuri was adorable type of sexy but Pudgy Yuri _killed._ He had just enough weight that his clothes were tight and the pudge made him adorable but he was so sexy it hurt.

Especially when he bent over.

To explain to all the risks and to prepare the Russians Phichit sent the group a picture he’d taken in the off season in Detroit the year before Yuri had first hit the Grand Prix. It’s taken from behind with Yuri slightly angled, he’s bent over a wall trying to reach something showing his sweat pants pulled tight across his plush ass and thick thighs, both carrying more weight than they usually do.

That is enough to make everyone who sees the picture in the chat groan.

Then Victor and Yuri, when they are able to tear their eyes away from Yuri’s ass take in the other factor in the picture.

There is an actual crowd around Yuri and every person in that crowd is looking at Yuri’s ass with undisguised want. One of the people in the photo had actually dropped a pile of books and didn’t appear to have noticed so fixated he was on Yuri’s ass.

“I pulled him away from that crowd a second after that picture was taken and tried to show him his effect on people but he got caught up in the extra weight he was carrying and complained about the picture being unflattering.” Phichit explained.

Only Yuuko and Takeshi failed to look at Phichit with disbelief.

“He thought that was _unflattering?!?_ ” Yurio spluttered indignantly, “I’m 15, and I can’t help it, but because of that picture I won’t be able to stand up for a while and he thinks it’s unflattering? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?”

Victor was sitting back against the headboard of his bed and staring into the middle distance.

“He’s…he’s oh god I’m not going to be able to function. I’m going to have to try to keep both my jealousy and my libido in check and it’s going to ruin me.” Victor muttered in a dazed voice.

Minami was so red he matched the splash of colour in his hair and even Chris had dropped his forehead onto his clasped hands and sounded like he was muttering prayers.

There was a moment of silence then there was a sound of a door opening from Victor’s screen and his eyes widened in panic.

“That’s Yuri!” he whispered frantically, “I’ve got to go and somehow explain why I’m hard without coming across as a pervert. Thank you for that Phichit!” he whispered in a strained voice as footsteps approached. Looking panicked he disconnected from the call.

He was closing his laptop when Yuri came into the bedroom, shifting the computer so he was holding it over the tent in his trousers.

“Hey Victor, I had a nice run, I’m going to have a shower and then I’ll make dinner okay?” Yuri said crossing the room to kiss Victor on the cheek. As he pulled back he pulled off his shirt and hearing a strangled noise he frowned down at his fiancé.

“Are you okay Victor? You look kind of red.” Yuri asked concerned, placing the back of his hand on Victor’s forehead. 

Victor tore his eyes away from the waistband of Yuri’s sweat pants. They were actually Victor’s something he could tell by the way they rode low on his lover’s hip bones.

“I’m…I’m fine.” He told Yuri after swallowing.  His mouth felt dry.  Yuri frowned at him, unconvinced.

“Are you sure? You look really red.” He asked again trailing his hand down from Victor’s forehead to his cheek.  Victor groaned and leaned into the touch, bringing his own hand to cover Yuri’s.

“I’m…I’m fine…I just…you’re really sexy is all.” Victor told him, moving the laptop from his lap to the bedside table, revealing the tent in his pyjama trousers.

“Oh!” Yuri’s eyes went wide and he blushed prettily.  Victor reached up and grabbing the back of Yuri’s neck, pulled his lover down into a kiss. It was a long deep kiss and both of them were panting with want by the end of it.

“Shall I join you for that shower?” Victor asked with a smile.

“Um…I’d like that yes.” Yuri said blushing again.

As he followed his lover into the bathroom Victor couldn’t help the grin on his face. Sure, he felt bad for all those who were stuck with unrequited feelings for his Yuri but he couldn’t help but be glad he could say Yuri was his and he was Yuri’s.  Also, while he wanted Yuri to love himself more and feel confident he also prayed that Yuri never realised how devastatingly attractive he really was…because he controlled Victor utterly already with his accidental charms that the thought of him knowingly using those charms on Victor left him trembling.

As he was thinking these things Yuri reached up and grabbed him by the collar of his tee-shirt and pulled him close, kissing him passionately and then pulling away to look at him through dark lashes. His eyes dangerous and full of lust.

“You’re going to take good care of me in the shower aren’t you Victor?”

It wasn’t a question, it was a command. This was a Yuri so very reminiscent to his Eros persona.

 _“Oh dear lord I am fucked.”_ Victor thought as he nodded helplessly. Yuri gave him a wicked smile and pulled him into the bathroom. Victor followed, utterly smitten and completely entranced.


End file.
